So, today is another day. I woke up to a stuffy, sore, crusty nose. I have to be very careful about how I touch it and blow it. But, I am working hard at turning the heat off, opening the windows and getting some moisture back into the apartment. Too, I am tired of just so much and I want to get the feeling of being on top and in control again. I feel that I am held hostage by this body and that if I do anything, I risk getting sick or injured. I hate this feeling. I do not feel like a vibrant woman; rather, I feel like a shell of a person just waiting for something else to happen. I do not want anything else to happen. My shoulders, hands and wrists are sore and that just lets me know that I need to rest some.
I am back to cleaning everything again and back to the same full schedule. I am tired, but I have little recourse as to my obligations. I look around and see all the work that needs to be gotten done and the time that I do not have to obligate myself to them. But, I know that it is one pile at a time. It is not as bad as it looks, but the mess is creating undue anxiety. I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Yes, I know that it has.
I cannot wait for summer. I cannot wait to be able to have long, fun filled days of getting out and about without issue or cause. Yes, I know that I cannot play any sports or participate in anything that might create bodily injury to me. Ha! Just doing housework is enough for that. Caution to the wind, full brass to the walls! (yea, have to keep it clean).
What next?
Pressing on. Pushing on. Guessing on.
Hi Sis! Take it easy. I know sometimes it's hard to relax, but promise me you'd try :) It's ok if the apartment is a bit messy. No worries.
ReplyDeleteI know the weather there is not helping, and making things hard for you. Ahhh summer days in the Evergreen state..oh how beautiful. I still remember. Close your eyes and picture how beautiful Mt. Rainier is.. even from a long distance :)
Take care 'coz I care. Much love!