Second Chemo

Well, this has been turning out much better than what I had expected. I am hungry, still a little nauseous but quite ok. I was able to eat this afternoon and I feel fantastic. I am very tired but that will pass. I have quite a bit of homework to get done tonight and am looking forward to getting it all done.

So far: my skin looks really good. My hands look great and my skin is ok. I have the chemo mouth and that is ok. I have to remember not to eat anything hot and to drink lots of water and fluids. I have been in the bathroom several times with just flush and it is driving me nuts. My nose is ok. I have some dry skin in the nostrils, but I hope that I will not be bleeding anytime soon.

When I slept last night, it was rocky and I tossed some. I was so tired and hot that I was uncomfortable. I am looking forward to having some more normalcy again and am looking forward to moving forward and not just side-sloshing things.

Now, I have heard this from two people--cancer is a lonely diagnosis. You got that right. While I am excited that things are moving along better, I am looking forward to no one knowing what has happened to me and keeping my privacy. I have had the weekend of "mookie-mookie" and it is quite irritating. I cannot help but to think that if no one knew what was going on, I would not have had to worry about everyone being so "out of the way" nice to me. I cannot stand this. I have been told that I need to "soften" too. Sure! Why? I am comfortable in my own skin with who I am; I do not like the cancer, but that is mostly cured. I am looking forward to not having anyone remember this situation so I can be just the person that is there at church and the person that is me. Yea, I love every moment of being unique. But, why is it that I have to be someone else's idea of a "woman". Ha! the more that some people push, the more I will rebel. I like to change people's paradigm. Who cares what I wear or do? Yea, that hit a nerve. I have a lot of them open anymore. Why is it that someone else's paradigm has to be the rule? It is not mine.

But! I did get the encouragement that I was hoping and praying for. I got it!!! To hear it made my weekend. I am very tired and I need to keep my tongue short and heavy to not say things that might offend. I will be on the lookout for that.

Pushing on. Pressing on. Looking on.