Chemo changes

Today was one of the most difficult days that I have experienced ever! I had started the day out with G having a difficult day. He accidentally broke out his driver side window. Driving to the doc was cold but kinda fun. It reminded me of New York. I loved it! Yea, I truly did. When I was able to get to meet with Dr. B, I thought that I had received good news. We may possibly be working on just 4 chemo treatments instead of 6. He did say that he would look into that and figure it out.

Well, treatment started not too long after that. I was able to watch my movie that I had brought--A Walk in the Clouds. I have always loved that movie and was very happy to be able to watch it. After that was completed, I listened to my music for a while. I have to say that I am very happy that I have an MP3 player. I have more music to put on it and look forward to being able to have a more advanced one. But, for the most part, this is excellent and I will use it until it falls apart.

But then, when the next bag was hung, things began to change incredibly. I started to get a serious reaction and from that point, I was beginning to get hot and could not breathe. I had to say to the nurse that I was not feeling good at all. At that point, I had started to just feel myself slipping. I could remember hearing the nurses and the doc and was not able to interact with them. If passing out feels like this, then I sure did. My head and body felt as though the temperatures were rising high and getting higher. Then my chest felt as though it was being crushed--from the outside in. After the treatment stopped, and Benedryl was administered, it took me about a couple of hours to get coherent again. I slept from the Benedryl and needed to have about 3 warmed blankets on me to keep the chattery chills from staying. After relaxing for some more, I had asked about what the next course was going to be. I was told that the doc was willing to challenge me with the treatment at a slower drip. I had said no. I did not want to experience this same thing. I told the nurse to withdraw this from me and that I would come back for the next plan. So, my next appointment is scheduled for next week. I will be discussing with him my next step.

I was so scared from all of this. I still am. I was there by myself. When I had told G about what had happened, he was very scared. He had called me again tonight to see how I was doing. What do I say? He needs to be strong for me and I need others to be strong for me. When I had called my Pastor, I got a Wow! from him. I did not have the energy or the time to explain and just got off the phone quickly. I have had far too many melt-downs and nuclear explosions to go into another one. I simply told him that I would see him on Sunday.

I am looking forward to Sunday.

Pushing on. Pressing on. Leaning on.