I am beyond tired

It never ceases to amaze me about how much that I have to get done in a day. Today, after being up 24 complete hours, managing after a hard chemo, I had to go to the kiddo's school and address an important matter. Regardless of the three hours of sleep that I barely got, I had to address an issue at the school where improper procedure and lack of communication existed. I am amazed that regardless the battle of just going through chemo is not enough, I have to continue my regular tasks. The house is a mess and all that can be done is to pick up the little stuff and to keep on top of everything with as much energy that I do not have. What suffers? Everything suffers. I am so tired of the entire mess and that to know that I am the only one that does it all is getting to me in so many different ways. I am getting tired of the lived in smell, the clutter and the mess and to boot! I am told that this place is not all that bad. But, it is to me. And that is the issue.

I wonder how others manage when they have to go through all of this. I know that others may have family support and the support of friends and loved ones. Oh, this is such a little dilemma. I know the adage that the "grass is always greener". Perhaps this is true. Doing this all by myself has created a lot of anger, frustration and resentment that I am left to do things all by myself. I have a teen. How much help can this be? Ask others? There are so many excuses that I get. I just do not get it.

I know that my exhaustion is speaking loudly; but, I am exhausted and things are really bothering me to no end. I really want a break and to have some private time. I do not believe that it will happen any time soon.

Pushing on. Pressing on. Hoping on.