Chemo #4

I am approaching my next chemo treatment. I am not sure what to expect but I know that this treatment has created a lot of apprehension for me. I am excited to get this done, but in the same regard, I am hesitant to be willing to get this done. I am looking forward to the end of this all. While I am getting ready for bed, I have had to take the next couple of pills for the treatment and an anti-nausea pill. Tomorrow, someone from my church will be accompanying me and that is a little interesting for me. While my personal bubble has definitely been compromised, I am not all that sure how I will be handling all of this. I cannot take much with me for the treatment and perhaps a DVD. If she is going to be there, I will need to chat with her regarding matters. I am not one for small talk and so figuring out how to get involved with that type of conversation has always been one of those things that gets in the way.

Too, I feel like I am coming down with a cold. I have been working hard not to get sick and I believe that I have been successful. I have been staying warm, keeping away from people intently, and to be taking my vitamins regularly. I have actually been taking more Vit C and extra flax seed oil for the full benefits. I have been drinking my Ovaltine as well. But the stress of everything has been a bit much. I believe that my stress has been too much and that will compromise me as well. I am working on that.

I am very tired as well. I cannot get my housework completed and that has been very trying for me as well. The dishwasher is down and I cannot get my dishes washed. My beautiful little girl does not help out what she needs to. I cannot keep pushing her on that regard because she can only handle so much. She needs to get her homework completed. I worry about my illness and her very much. I worry that she is stressed by this. I worry about PM as well. I hope that all is well and to keep pushing in prayer for everyone. I am constantly reminded that it is not anyone's attitude toward me that counts; rather, it is how their esteem is in my eyes/heart that matters.

Pushing on. Pressing on. Esteeming on.