Some new things

I have to say that some days are getting a lot more easier. I had my neurological appointment this week and I was given some good news about my migraines. I was told that these may be hormone related and that I can attempt taking things to help relieving them. I was told that I might be able to take some natural things--ginger tea and some magnesium. I will be happy to take more naturual things than the prescribed meds. I hate the side effects. If this does not work, then I will be looking at taking more than just the naturals. Too, I am going to be asking my doc to refer me to have my ovaries yanked. If these babies are responsible for all of this, I would like to have them gone. If this may prevent the cancer from coming back, I am all for it. I am happy to go through the surgery and get it over with. Too, if the hormones are causing my migraines, then that will be much better for me as well.

I know that this is causing me more anguish than I would like to say. I hate the migraines and I really hate the feelings that come with it. I hate even more not being able to really put my feet up and rest and sleep from feeling like crap. I am looking forward to feeling more rested and being able to tackle the day. I want sleep. Last weekend, I was so tired from work and school that I couuld barely keep my eyes open and to keep my feet from just shuffling too much.

I do know that I am sharing less with everyone. I am not willing to be that open again about stuff. It is not a matter of telling all; it is a matter of what I choose to share and what I want to be discussed. For the most part, N told me something that I did not understand on Sunday. "I cannot join you in your emotions". Ok. I do not understand what she meant but I do understand that if it is not in her to be able to help out, then I will not allow her to know anymore. I am slowly keeping things to myself so it does not seem that it is so abrupt. This is hard. I need the company and the convesation, but I will have to keep that to myself. I know that when I reach out, it will be ok. This is a season that I am willing to go through. When I have that confidant again, it will be good. But, for the most part, I will be keeping things close to myself. I want to opt for surgery and I do not want anyone from HLCC to know. NO ONE! It will be interesting to see how this will go. I know what I have been through and I do not want to continue to go through this alone. But, I do not want anyone to know what is going on and from there, not have anyone who is willing to help out. I will continue to pay for J. She has been helpful. But that is not her job as well. I am looking forward to having some help. But, not if it means having to sell my soul. I remember saying to PM "I beg of you, please do not ask me to do this." Reaching out to some of them that is. I want to try and reverse this. We shall see.

Looking. Reaching. Trusting.