There are many things that I do know and that is how much I do not like what the chemo has done to me. I know that it was a necessary treatment and that without it I would not be alive. Sure. I understand. Now, I have to deal with all of the post chemo stuff--the headaches and the migraine. I was having a cluster of them at one point and then it subsided. I am experiencing one right now and it is making me sick to my stomach. I am extremely tired right now and this is not helping me with it. Sound, light, motion are all making me have great difficulty. I have to drive home yet and from there, I have to take the little one off to school. There are times I do not know how I do it. But, I do. I have a phone apt with JC and I will have to cancel that one.
Now, I have to deal with my little one and her behavior. I am not looking forward to addressng it but I will do it for however long I need to. I had to call the police on her on Saturday and that was very difficult. She had brought drugs into my house and I was not going to put up with it. I was told some very difficult things from her and I have to remember to forgive and forget. That will be very difficult to do. For the most part, I want to just go on vacation and not come back. The load of all of this is just too much. I want some things to go away but I know that they will not.
Some how, I think that my little one is doing the things that she is doing in a way to get back at me for going through what I have been through. This past year of things has been difficult. Two things she said "you have not been there for me" and "when I am 18 you will never see me again". That hurts so much. I must keep a harder outside shell and not let these things bother me. I need to show that they do not bother me. I hope that I will be successful in that endeavor.
My head hurts quite a bit and I will be calling in sick. I have to get some sleep and take some pain reliever.
Pushing on. Pressing in. Really trying hard.
No comments:
Post a Comment