What should I do

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was out and the temperature was just perfect. However, after a long night at work, making church service seemed that it was a moot point. Everywhere that I turned, it was filled with colognes and perfumes. I am getting so tired of this. All I want is to be able to breathe air that is clean and without any types of scents. I had to leave the church building and that was just so much. I love going to church, but the smells of everyone was really bothering me. I hate it. There is much alternative for me when this happens. I want to make service and yet cannot sit around everyone who is wearing perfumes or scents. I can smell the cigarettes on T. I can smell the scented deoderant on PD. I can smell everyone!! I hate it. I really do. Then I started getting a headache from it all. I ended up taking some pain reliever and then putting my feet up in my rig. All I need to do is put the seat back and then from there, take a few minutes nap. I do that so often anymore, that my rig turns out to be my bedroom. How much fun is that.

I hate being so sensitive to everything around me. I hate that everyone just does not seem to care to be bothered that it is such a difficulty with me. Perhaps my paradigm needs to change with respect to what others perceive to be a difficulty. I hate that I feel very helpless with it all. Having headaches and little energy from post chemo and now menopause is driving me nuts. But, I do know that what I need to be doing is what I am doing. I am eating well; I am taking my multivitamins and supplements. I am working on getting better sleep. I am working on getting more exercise in. I am working on getting my dojo going. I look at the apartment and I am more pleased with the stuff that I am getting done. Anymore, I am living out of my bedroom. There are no messes to be made from there. Just go to bed, eat, sleep and then off to work once again. What a life?!

So, there are many things that I am working on in the meantime. I am working on several projects and striving to keep things afloat. This will happen because I have chosen to keep myself filled with all diligence at the prospect of being more successful with my daily life, my personal walk with the LORD and then from there, what I need to do with my family. I am working diligently to be obedient to the LORD. I am working on being just that.

I know that I am not looking forward to the bloodwork that is coming up in a matter of two weeks. I am tired from it all and I feel that I need to really get prepared for the draw because of the anxiety that will be accompanying it all. One day, there will be a time that the anxiety over needles and all will not be there. In the meantime, there is much prayer to be had and to concentrate and be focused on what is to come. I can do this! I must encourage myself with it all.

Pushing on. Pressing in. Encouraging on.