Seems like a continuing saga

I know that I have said it so many times regarding the kiddo and things at home. Well, things are home are just that much more challenging and fun. The matters continue and the events that have led up to this point do not stop. They are continuing. I must say that I am very tired of the events and behavior that has occurred over the past several months. These events make it more and more impossible to seek after my healthcare. I have to make more consession over what is going on. I have to take more of my energies and devote it to the kiddo. Yes, our children are very important to us; but, there is a point where we lose our identity in them and we must be able to keep our health at the same time. It gets to be a very difficult thing for me. But, I am working diligently to keeping my records in order and getting on with the order of my life. How am I supposed to behave? I just do not know anymore. There are so many things going on.

I will get through this. I will get beyond what is bothering me. I will move past the point where things are not so difficult and things are less stressful. I remember thinking that I would not make it past chemo. I was actually at a point where I did not feel that chemo would ever end and a life did exist past it. Now, I can see that it does. Yes, there are days that are very difficult. My migraines are very frustrating. I have to admit that. My body is more sore; but then again, I am getting older. But, it should not mean that my whole day can be so laid up at times. Easter Sunday, for example, was a very difficult day. I had had a migraine and I was not good for anything. I was not good for anyone either. I had to sleep the entire day through and then I had some coffee. Oh, what a day that was. It was quiet and I did not have to do anything for anyone. But, it would have been nice to have some company.

I get frustrated at the behaviors of others. I know that I should not because I have no control over others. I get more frustrated at others who know the apparent difference between right and wrong and still continue to act the way they do. I do not want to sound like a scorn woman. I just want to say that some things could change. Really, they do need to change. Perhaps, I am working to hard on making a change. This change, I want for me. Of course, we all have something to change. But, I want some changes in me. I want to be a different person. I hate what lies within, but I like what is coming out.

Looking. Seeking. Having it all come out.