Taking a deep breathe

It has been a while since I have been posting. My appologies. I have been concentrating on many things and time has been escaping me. There has been so much that has been going on and I do not know where exactly to start. So, I will continue where I left off from my last posting--to the best of my recollection.

Have I told you how much I hate this cancer? I hate what has been done to my family. Despite it all, I can take a deep breathe and know that I have a little bit of some time to relax. Over the last several months, my kiddo has been arrested, placed into juvie, then to a friend's home, then to rehab and then back to school. She has been in sumer school now; we have had several difficult days of communication. We communicate through a counselor now; which , this is very difficult. I have had very little excitement about this. When it comes to the counseling time, I am just wiped and torn to pieces. I have not been able to see her or touch her. The communication is broken and I have had no updates about what is going on. I cannot handle the counseling sessions. I have been told about her drug activity and how she has been behaving. I do not like to hear about what she has done or who she has done it with. She has even said that she has done things that she is not proud of. She is several months clean and sober. Clean and sober. That is something that I really have to stand and say again. My 16 year old is clean and sober. But, the chances of her returning back to the home is not good. She has requested to stay away from the home. She says that when she is 18, I will never hear from her again. I wonder. She has also said that she wants to continue our communication. I wonder. It hurts very much to know that your child has been able to say so many hurtful things. And, she has said many hurtful things.

My health is excellent. Although things are always a battle with one thing or another, I am looking forward saying that I have worked long and hard on things. Just this past week, I had bloodwork done to see how hard I have been working on my cholesterol and other things. It was good! Although the numbers really did not change much, things did not get worse. So, I am confident that things are working better. Last month, I had had a medical procedure to determine if my reproductive health was good. It was excellent! I am very pleased to say that my health is very good. I had had a biopsy completed to determine if my uterine and cervical health were good. Not only was the sample normal, but it was determined that my cells were not estrogen receptive--I am in post-menopause! Naturally! Dr. B has told me several times that because I am not on any hormone suppressive therapy, I would be at risk. Well, I am not on any medication and my hormone, estrogen, has been not been in production. I had confirmed that this means that I have ensured breast health and that is the best news ever. I have been believing and praying that this be the case and it has been confirmed. Yes, I will still make sure to have the mamos like I am supposed to and to be sure to have my regular pelvics as I am told. I do not want to be foolish.  

It is nice to have this off my plate of worries. And that really has been on my plate of worries. In a week or so, I will have an appointment with a surgeon regarding my breast. I have had an aspiration completd several months ago. I had built up fluid in my breast behind the scar and it was not going anywhere. So, the doc went in with a needle and "sucked" it out. Yea, the whole idea of having another needle placed in the breast was not my idea of fun. In fact, I had had a massive migraine shortly thereafter. It lasted the entire day and it was very difficult to deal with. I have had a lot of migraines and they have been stressed induced. I really hate the stress that has been involved in all of this.

I know one thing for certain. I will not be sharing this with many. So much has gone on and it has been quite frustrating at how things have developed. Breast cancer has stirred up my entire life and has turned it upside down. I wish things would change now, but they have not and will continue to be challenging for some time to come. I wish people would understand what has been going on. Seems that I am faulted for having so much going on. When I go to medical appointments and I am asked about what kind of stress is going on in my life, I have to be very careful about what I share. I do not want to share a whole lot. But, I have been told--you have a lot on your plate. Ya think? What am I to do? Where am I to turn? I have to be careful about who I tell and whom I share things with. This is going to be difficult and I know that it can be done. I must be strong and I must be diligent to the cause. I can do this.

Seeking on. Looking into. Journeying on.