Well, the girls are in the forefront again. Yesterday I had had an appointment with my surgeon. Yes, it is another round of appointments and the like. Because I am considered to be "high risk", I will be closely monitored throughout all of this. Because of my age and the early detection of my breast cancer, I will be monitored for the rest of my life. I will be able to access medical services regarding all of this very quickly. That is very good to know.
I did find out that my oncologist had decided to treat me with chemo because I was high risk. I was pleased to hear that, but this past couple of years have been met with so much diffculty and resistance. But, I am blessed. I know that so much has been going on and to get some peace and tranquility in all of this is so needed. I do not especially feel all that excited about having the girls displayed for everyone to see once again. No, I am not thrilled.
So, Doctor had given me a complete rundown of what might be going on as well as what might not being happening. I will be scheduled for another exam--an MRI. From what I understand, the exam will be able to have more conclusive imagery that a mammogram and ultrasound does not pick up. Certainly, my thoughts are running wild. If there are any cells that were missed, the MRI could determine that. However, when I had had the aspiration, everything was good. I am concerned, but I have to tell myself that I should not be concerned. I am in excellent health and I am well monitored for all my health conditions. I am also a strong advocate for what is going on. I am working diligently to be very open and vocal. Sometimes, very vocal and upfront. How am I supposed to be?
I was asked something about an aspect of my care. I was asked if I was sent to Physical Therapy for recovery? I said no. I was so very upset. I have not received a lot of aspects to my care and I have wished for a lot. I am not receiving anything and I have been working to develop my own care plan. I have worked very carefully to build my own dietary regimine; careful to develop my own exercise program with self-imposed limitations to lifting, weightbearing exercises and to continue to work and stretch out my muscles after the surgery.
One thing that the nurses have been amazed at was that I did not tell my clients what was going on. Nothing was discussed at work with my evening job and my clients from my day job did not know what was going on. I want to keep it that way. I had never gone to either boss and asked for special priveledges. I took very little time off from work because I needed the money and to build my finances for my taxes. I had anticipated that I would get a very good income tax return so that I would be able to have money for what I needed--clothes, boots, pants/dungarees, etc. I had to think ahead because I had no idea what was to be expected from my outcome. Now, I have insurance and I can get what I need to have. I am pleased with who I have. I have an excellent team of folks; but, one thing as well. They know that they have a spitfire of a patient. I will not just simply accept the okay. I will ask questions and I will be calling and pressing and pushing. When we have to be our own advocate, we must do that. It is not always easy or fun to do, but it has been done. For all of this time, it is very important for me to do.
Must keep going.
Pressing on. Pushing in. Advocating on.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
I cannot believe I did this
I cannot believe that I did this. I had an appointment today to meet with the surgeon regarding my breast and I missed it. I hate missing appointments. I have had so many appointments and I have not missed any for a very, very long time. I remember missing one appointment and had to pay $20 for the missed appointment. I really hate missing these things.
When I miss an appointment, it just sends my entire day into a turmoil. Because I have not told my clients about what is going on with me, I have to fabricate a web of lies to keep my privacy. I am so frustrated that I cannot concentrate or relax. I hate having to tell people lies about what is going on with me. I have hidden this cancer issue from so many for so long and I am so tired of this. I hate this very much. Just another aspect of why I hate cancer. I cannot tell you how many medical appointments that I have had regarding this whole thing. I am tired of reading about it. I am tired of talking to people about it. Some might think that because I am done with the treatment that I am done with everything and then I will be fine. No, it does not go that way. Some just do not get it. Many just do not get it. Just because the treatments are done does not mean that the after effects of it are gone. They are here. A huge ordeal still not gone away.
I have rescheduled the appointment and I will be working diligently for this not to happen again for a long, long time.
Pushing on. Pressing in. Remembering on.
When I miss an appointment, it just sends my entire day into a turmoil. Because I have not told my clients about what is going on with me, I have to fabricate a web of lies to keep my privacy. I am so frustrated that I cannot concentrate or relax. I hate having to tell people lies about what is going on with me. I have hidden this cancer issue from so many for so long and I am so tired of this. I hate this very much. Just another aspect of why I hate cancer. I cannot tell you how many medical appointments that I have had regarding this whole thing. I am tired of reading about it. I am tired of talking to people about it. Some might think that because I am done with the treatment that I am done with everything and then I will be fine. No, it does not go that way. Some just do not get it. Many just do not get it. Just because the treatments are done does not mean that the after effects of it are gone. They are here. A huge ordeal still not gone away.
I have rescheduled the appointment and I will be working diligently for this not to happen again for a long, long time.
Pushing on. Pressing in. Remembering on.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Taking a deep breathe
It has been a while since I have been posting. My appologies. I have been concentrating on many things and time has been escaping me. There has been so much that has been going on and I do not know where exactly to start. So, I will continue where I left off from my last posting--to the best of my recollection.
Have I told you how much I hate this cancer? I hate what has been done to my family. Despite it all, I can take a deep breathe and know that I have a little bit of some time to relax. Over the last several months, my kiddo has been arrested, placed into juvie, then to a friend's home, then to rehab and then back to school. She has been in sumer school now; we have had several difficult days of communication. We communicate through a counselor now; which , this is very difficult. I have had very little excitement about this. When it comes to the counseling time, I am just wiped and torn to pieces. I have not been able to see her or touch her. The communication is broken and I have had no updates about what is going on. I cannot handle the counseling sessions. I have been told about her drug activity and how she has been behaving. I do not like to hear about what she has done or who she has done it with. She has even said that she has done things that she is not proud of. She is several months clean and sober. Clean and sober. That is something that I really have to stand and say again. My 16 year old is clean and sober. But, the chances of her returning back to the home is not good. She has requested to stay away from the home. She says that when she is 18, I will never hear from her again. I wonder. She has also said that she wants to continue our communication. I wonder. It hurts very much to know that your child has been able to say so many hurtful things. And, she has said many hurtful things.
My health is excellent. Although things are always a battle with one thing or another, I am looking forward saying that I have worked long and hard on things. Just this past week, I had bloodwork done to see how hard I have been working on my cholesterol and other things. It was good! Although the numbers really did not change much, things did not get worse. So, I am confident that things are working better. Last month, I had had a medical procedure to determine if my reproductive health was good. It was excellent! I am very pleased to say that my health is very good. I had had a biopsy completed to determine if my uterine and cervical health were good. Not only was the sample normal, but it was determined that my cells were not estrogen receptive--I am in post-menopause! Naturally! Dr. B has told me several times that because I am not on any hormone suppressive therapy, I would be at risk. Well, I am not on any medication and my hormone, estrogen, has been not been in production. I had confirmed that this means that I have ensured breast health and that is the best news ever. I have been believing and praying that this be the case and it has been confirmed. Yes, I will still make sure to have the mamos like I am supposed to and to be sure to have my regular pelvics as I am told. I do not want to be foolish.
It is nice to have this off my plate of worries. And that really has been on my plate of worries. In a week or so, I will have an appointment with a surgeon regarding my breast. I have had an aspiration completd several months ago. I had built up fluid in my breast behind the scar and it was not going anywhere. So, the doc went in with a needle and "sucked" it out. Yea, the whole idea of having another needle placed in the breast was not my idea of fun. In fact, I had had a massive migraine shortly thereafter. It lasted the entire day and it was very difficult to deal with. I have had a lot of migraines and they have been stressed induced. I really hate the stress that has been involved in all of this.
I know one thing for certain. I will not be sharing this with many. So much has gone on and it has been quite frustrating at how things have developed. Breast cancer has stirred up my entire life and has turned it upside down. I wish things would change now, but they have not and will continue to be challenging for some time to come. I wish people would understand what has been going on. Seems that I am faulted for having so much going on. When I go to medical appointments and I am asked about what kind of stress is going on in my life, I have to be very careful about what I share. I do not want to share a whole lot. But, I have been told--you have a lot on your plate. Ya think? What am I to do? Where am I to turn? I have to be careful about who I tell and whom I share things with. This is going to be difficult and I know that it can be done. I must be strong and I must be diligent to the cause. I can do this.
Seeking on. Looking into. Journeying on.
Have I told you how much I hate this cancer? I hate what has been done to my family. Despite it all, I can take a deep breathe and know that I have a little bit of some time to relax. Over the last several months, my kiddo has been arrested, placed into juvie, then to a friend's home, then to rehab and then back to school. She has been in sumer school now; we have had several difficult days of communication. We communicate through a counselor now; which , this is very difficult. I have had very little excitement about this. When it comes to the counseling time, I am just wiped and torn to pieces. I have not been able to see her or touch her. The communication is broken and I have had no updates about what is going on. I cannot handle the counseling sessions. I have been told about her drug activity and how she has been behaving. I do not like to hear about what she has done or who she has done it with. She has even said that she has done things that she is not proud of. She is several months clean and sober. Clean and sober. That is something that I really have to stand and say again. My 16 year old is clean and sober. But, the chances of her returning back to the home is not good. She has requested to stay away from the home. She says that when she is 18, I will never hear from her again. I wonder. She has also said that she wants to continue our communication. I wonder. It hurts very much to know that your child has been able to say so many hurtful things. And, she has said many hurtful things.
My health is excellent. Although things are always a battle with one thing or another, I am looking forward saying that I have worked long and hard on things. Just this past week, I had bloodwork done to see how hard I have been working on my cholesterol and other things. It was good! Although the numbers really did not change much, things did not get worse. So, I am confident that things are working better. Last month, I had had a medical procedure to determine if my reproductive health was good. It was excellent! I am very pleased to say that my health is very good. I had had a biopsy completed to determine if my uterine and cervical health were good. Not only was the sample normal, but it was determined that my cells were not estrogen receptive--I am in post-menopause! Naturally! Dr. B has told me several times that because I am not on any hormone suppressive therapy, I would be at risk. Well, I am not on any medication and my hormone, estrogen, has been not been in production. I had confirmed that this means that I have ensured breast health and that is the best news ever. I have been believing and praying that this be the case and it has been confirmed. Yes, I will still make sure to have the mamos like I am supposed to and to be sure to have my regular pelvics as I am told. I do not want to be foolish.
It is nice to have this off my plate of worries. And that really has been on my plate of worries. In a week or so, I will have an appointment with a surgeon regarding my breast. I have had an aspiration completd several months ago. I had built up fluid in my breast behind the scar and it was not going anywhere. So, the doc went in with a needle and "sucked" it out. Yea, the whole idea of having another needle placed in the breast was not my idea of fun. In fact, I had had a massive migraine shortly thereafter. It lasted the entire day and it was very difficult to deal with. I have had a lot of migraines and they have been stressed induced. I really hate the stress that has been involved in all of this.
I know one thing for certain. I will not be sharing this with many. So much has gone on and it has been quite frustrating at how things have developed. Breast cancer has stirred up my entire life and has turned it upside down. I wish things would change now, but they have not and will continue to be challenging for some time to come. I wish people would understand what has been going on. Seems that I am faulted for having so much going on. When I go to medical appointments and I am asked about what kind of stress is going on in my life, I have to be very careful about what I share. I do not want to share a whole lot. But, I have been told--you have a lot on your plate. Ya think? What am I to do? Where am I to turn? I have to be careful about who I tell and whom I share things with. This is going to be difficult and I know that it can be done. I must be strong and I must be diligent to the cause. I can do this.
Seeking on. Looking into. Journeying on.
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