It has been a while since I have posted last. I am looking forward to being a little more consistent. There is so much going on and my heart is just torn out of my chest. The things with my kiddo persists but even more so, things just persist. Last weekend, I had had the most difficult time. I had been to an ornament party at my pastor's house and thought that it was a good idea. Well, no. It was not a good idea. I had no idea that there would be so many lit candles and the scents from them made a huge difference. It triggered a massive migraine and I was in so much discomfort for the weekend. I am a bit discouraged. I do not care for such migraines, but I did what I knew that I was supposed to. I did my best to sleep and to focus on moving beyond the migraine. This is so difficult when it comes to such intensity. Getting in a quiet and dark area was important. But! I did take opportunity to talk to many about this. If so many "love me", then why don't they step forward and look. I was in my rig falling into deep sleep, coming out of it, then going back into deep sleep. I heard a lot going on around me and I had realized that I might have passed out several times. Regardless, I did ask others around me if they had felt any concern regarding my situation. Guilt? Yes. Some should feel guilty. If they knew that I was sick, then they should have said something. Yes, during chemo, many saw how physically strong and determined I was. This strength, determination and strong will to continue was misunderstood. We should be made to feel guilty if it means that we overlook what we are to do for one another and walk past it. This is nothing less than apathy. Why should we feel so cold and heartless regarding those people who we say are important to us and we walk away from our human obligation to seek after the care and keep of the other? Why should we be so heartless about what is needed to be done? It simply happens. We do not feel that it is necessary to get that done. The issues of the home are persisting. Now, my kddo is in more trouble than last year. Yet, the troubles that have existed within has been the neglect that has occurred from others who have not been there to help out. Very few have come to the home to help. So far, only three people have come. This is not on a regular basis; rather, it is sporadic. One person has come only once. The other person comes on a more regular basis and the fellowship is good. But, this is only for me and not for the family unit as a whole. The third person only has come a few times and helps with some things. Please do not misunderstand me; I look forward to all company. However, having cancer creates a lot of need. Why isn't it that the need is not met? Why are so many people afraid of it? Cancer is not catchy. I have said this before. Cancer is not catchy. The attitude of no help is catchy. Being selfish and self-centered is contagious. We must break the mold. And why can't we? That is a golden question for another day. I look forward to answers and I am just that person to be able to get those answers.
It is time for healing. It is time to get things on the move. Yes, I know that the days ahead with the kiddo are going to be difficult and tumoltuous. And! I do know that my LORD has said that HE will never leave me or forsake me. I am HIS.
Working on. Pushing on. Seeking on.
